“Sounds good. I know it’ll be hard not traveling around, planet-to-planet, picking up artifacts just to recruit squadmates again, but I know you’ll stay strong.

And make sure I’m fine if you want to take me dancing. Can’t be drinking or breaking my arms too much. You may not have to fly in the morning, but I do.”

-Joker

enhancedintel:

pilotjeffmoreau:

He stayed silent at the original comment, not really sure if he somehow hit a nerve. Or the operating system. Whichever one robotic AIs are more likely to be affected with. He normally wouldn’t care about AI’s artificial feelings, but EDI was different. And not just different in the way that she could take complete control of the Normandy and fly them into a nearby sun. Though— No, it definitely wasn’t that.

Anyhow, he was finally back in his leather seat. It was colder than he was used to, but he was sure to fix that given enough time. The orange panels flashed about to notify him of certain messages he would need to catch up on, or how there was spikes in the internal cores. He brushed some of the messages aside and picked up the jar, digging one of the lollipops out.

“Thanks, EDI.” He unwrapped his lollipop and plunked it into his mouth. He hesitated before speaking again. “We’ll go get them. My judgement was never really obscured on that. Commander always knew who the rays of sunshine were.”

He stretched his arm as best as he could to offer the jar to her, though it would in no way possibly reach the intended goal. He wasn’t really even sure if AIs ate, let alone ate lollipops. It’s more of the gesture that he cared about, to let her know that he cared.

“And as much as I would have liked some time alone to talk with you, I’m sure it’ll be great with the Commander breathing down my neck to hear my opinion again. I’ve been practicing my ‘Commander.’ for just those occasions.”

The meaning behind his gesture wasn’t entirely missed.  EDI smiled her half-smile again.  She stepped forward, taking the jar with one hand and fishing out a lollipop with the other, then putting it back on the console so it was still easily within Joker’s reach.  ”Thank you.” she said simply, standing just to the right and behind his chair.  ”We still need to await confirmation that the crew is ready for pickup.  This does mean that we do have some time to speak.”  She wanted to talk, she wanted to spend hours talking; something in her processes made her think that a conversation or five would help allay her strange state of mind.  In fact, it was exactly 34.54% likely that she’d come out the other side with some additional knowledge of herself, Joker, and their relationship.

Her hands busied themselves with unwrapping the lollipop.  She wasn’t even certain if she could taste anything, but she was programmed with an innate curiousness.  The platform could smell, she knew that, but —

Tentatively she touched her lips to the candy.  Benzaldehyde.  ”So.  What is it you would like to discuss, Jeff?”

He holds his arms behind his head and shrugs, staring up at her.

“Nothing in particular. I’m a strong commenter, but picking subjects of conversation is one of my few weak areas. I could ask how the local sports team is, yet I don’t really care enough about that.

“Not to say I’m sure there aren’t topics I care about. Like you. I’m sure there’s a bunch of questions you’ve got building up in your memory drive. I know the Commander couldn’t have answered all of those questions about what life and love are. I clearly am the optimal source on those. Living life to the fullest by sitting all day. Knowing love through you— know. The extranet. So I’m positive I can answer your philosophical ponders to the abilities of Plato himself.”

enhancedintel:

pilotjeffmoreau:

“Oh, good. I’m sure they’re all for that. ‘Hey, guys, you just saved the galaxy, but come clean up the mess you made, too.’ I’m also going to look forward to not dealing with the Shuttle, Cortez or not.” He followed her finger out the window to gaze at the refurnished Normandy. “All I’m looking forward to is getting back in there and staring at bright orange panels for the rest of my life. So, you know, I’ll let you know after I settle back into doing that for a few hours.”

The shuttle reared into the the cargo bay and settled onto the mechanical lift. The side door opened up as the current pilot shuffled out and onto the floor. Joker followed after, completely sure that, since she didn’t really appreciate the fine art of sitting all day as he did, she’d follow foot. He never really saw the shuttle bay even before the repairs. It had been crammed with junk before, and it was pretty crammed with junk now. It was something of a miracle that Vega’s chin-up bar was still in-tact. Cortez could probably need the ambiance down there.

Joker wasn’t really occupied with thinking about things like Vega and Cortez, though. All he was occupied with now was getting in the elevator and taking it back up to CIC and getting back on the bridge. The flashing buttons at his station wouldn’t press themselves. Nor would they rather remind anyone else that the airlock was ajar.

She followed him into the elevator, delicately and expertly keeping pace with him, and only spoke once they began their ascent.  Her voice seemed strangely tentative.  ”If you would rather not bother with rounding up the others… It would be remiss of me not to say that I question your judgement, but control of the Normandy is, ultimately, your prerogative.”

EDI wondered - really, truly wondered - if she had overstepped her boundaries here.  The events of the past few weeks had changed everybody, herself included. She was, of course, still learning the intricacies of human behaviour despite having found some humanity of her own.  None of it could be programmed, only ever learned through experience, and she wondered if people still saw her as nothing more than a computer program.  If people didn’t really care one way or the other as to her opinion.

She shook her head slightly, as annoyed as her processes would let her be at her entire existential quandary.  The elevator door opened, and the two of them came out upon the CIC. 

When they settled down into their respective chairs, EDI pointed to the jar of cherry lollipops sitting on one of the control panels.  ”The requisition came through.” 

He stayed silent at the original comment, not really sure if he somehow hit a nerve. Or the operating system. Whichever one robotic AIs are more likely to be affected with. He normally wouldn’t care about AI’s artificial feelings, but EDI was different. And not just different in the way that she could take complete control of the Normandy and fly them into a nearby sun. Though— No, it definitely wasn’t that.

Anyhow, he was finally back in his leather seat. It was colder than he was used to, but he was sure to fix that given enough time. The orange panels flashed about to notify him of certain messages he would need to catch up on, or how there was spikes in the internal cores. He brushed some of the messages aside and picked up the jar, digging one of the lollipops out.

“Thanks, EDI.” He unwrapped his lollipop and plunked it into his mouth. He hesitated before speaking again. “We’ll go get them. My judgement was never really obscured on that. Commander always knew who the rays of sunshine were.”

He stretched his arm as best as he could to offer the jar to her, though it would in no way possibly reach the intended goal. He wasn’t really even sure if AIs ate, let alone ate lollipops. It’s more of the gesture that he cared about, to let her know that he cared.

“And as much as I would have liked some time alone to talk with you, I’m sure it’ll be great with the Commander breathing down my neck to hear my opinion again. I’ve been practicing my ‘Commander.’ for just those occasions.”

enhancedintel:

“No mission,” EDI said, threading her fingers gently through his, “at least not yet.  The chances of us engaging in another mission that may cause bodily harm will go up about tenfold, I’m certain, once we get everyone back.”

She looked earnestly at him.  “There was no order to retrieve the crew.  It was my idea.  Most of them seem amenable.”  Her shoulders twitched, as though she were shrugging, while she idly checked her communications terminal again (remotely, of course).  “I only have one set of confirmed coordinates so far.”  She lowered her voice, a conspiratorial, teasing lilt coming into it.  “Lieutenant Cortez responded.  Then we won’t have to deal with –“

The shuttle shook violently for a moment, then righted itself.  “Well.  That.”

Another half-smile, and EDI leaned forward, pointing out of the small window on the hatch.  “Fortunately, we’re almost there.”  She gestured to the hatch, beyond which was the Normandy, all patched up and freshly painted.  She looked like a new ship.

“You’ll have to tell me,” EDI said quietly after a few moments of watching the ship come into view, “what you think.”

“Oh, good. I’m sure they’re all for that. ‘Hey, guys, you just saved the galaxy, but come clean up the mess you made, too.’ I’m also going to look forward to not dealing with the Shuttle, Cortez or not.” He followed her finger out the window to gaze at the refurnished Normandy. “All I’m looking forward to is getting back in there and staring at bright orange panels for the rest of my life. So, you know, I’ll let you know after I settle back into doing that for a few hours.”

The shuttle reared into the the cargo bay and settled onto the mechanical lift. The side door opened up as the current pilot shuffled out and onto the floor. Joker followed after, completely sure that, since she didn’t really appreciate the fine art of sitting all day as he did, she’d follow foot. He never really saw the shuttle bay even before the repairs. It had been crammed with junk before, and it was pretty crammed with junk now. It was something of a miracle that Vega’s chin-up bar was still in-tact. Cortez could probably need the ambiance down there.

Joker wasn’t really occupied with thinking about things like Vega and Cortez, though. All he was occupied with now was getting in the elevator and taking it back up to CIC and getting back on the bridge. The flashing buttons at his station wouldn’t press themselves. Nor would they rather remind anyone else that the airlock was ajar.

enhancedintel:

pilotjeffmoreau:

She was pretty stunning, when he took notice of her. Though, in a more literal term, considering the sun shone off her metal body right into his eyes. He covered his eyes with the flat of his hand for all of a split second before relaxing his arms down to allow them to help shift himself to a standing position.

It did feel almost forever ago since he actually saw someone from the crew. And it seemed even longer that he had even been allowed onto a ship. Pretty unnatural for the elusive Joker to be grounded — out of his natural habitat in space. Yet there came a sort of amenity just being able to see EDI again. 

He made his way to her; which was only a sort of minor task, since he had been (finally) taking his medications on a semi-regular basis for Chakwas and using strengthening exercises. He couldn’t help the slight limp that hung around his walk, but it had been reduced since he had to limp through the bowels of the Normandy to get away from the Collectors.

“EDI,” he could finally speak when close enough. And he was finally able to smile, something he found almost incapable since the Normandy’s crew got out of Cerberus’s base. Then he just hugged her. Just glad that she was still there. “It’s good seeing you.” He eases out of the embrace. “And a lot more reassuring to know the Alliance didn’t just turn you into cans to pack Tupari in.” He nods somewhat, stepping into the shuttle and holding his hand out for her. “Time to go ‘home’, then.”

 For a moment, EDI stood flat-footed, unsure of how to appropriately respond to his embrace, but she tentatively returned it, being mindful of Jeff’s condition.  She wondered at the pleasant rush that cascaded through her processes when he held her— it was markedly pronounced positive feedback. 

“I have taken pains to keep this platform inert and be as non-obtrusive as possible,” she said, taking his offered hand and following him into the shuttle.  They settled down on the bench, side-by-side. “The engineers were — the term I think you would use is clueless.”  Her lips were quirked slightly in her variant of a smile.  “I’ve sent communications out to everyone.  No returns yet, though.  Have any of the crew spoken to you?  It’s likely that they’d respond well to an organic as opposed to … me.”

Not that she’d been monitoring the comms and message terminals like a lovesick human for days.  Another interesting thing, that: her sudden preference for having people around.  And not just any old Alliance servicemember, no: EDI missed her people.  At the beginning of the repair cycle, she had thought she’d developed a preference for hearing inane chatter around her, or heavy-booted footsteps going from this place to that place.  That it didn’t matter where it had come from.

And then Shepard’s pep talks disappeared.  Javik stopped arguing with everybody.  The weapons console stopped sending her alerts every damn time Vakarian would calibrate it just a little more.  Most of all, the seat beside her had been vacated and suddenly she cared less about what was happening around her, and more about who was around her. 

It was why she’d been waiting – it’s why she would have waited indefinitely.  She’d have locked down the Normandy entirely if it had come to it; spirited away with the ship so that it would always be theirs.

The reverie lasted all of two-point-four seconds (she counted.) until she gave Jeff another half-smile.  “But you’re correct.  It will be nice to go … home.”

“They do tend not to know the difference between coolant shells and the batteries. I’ve gotten in contact with Garrus and the Commander so far. It was kind of nice knowing that after everything, they can still be pretty stiff sticks-in-the-mud. Though, I’m pretty sure Garrus sat on his stick.”

“I am assuming this means we’re going to have to get the band back together? Mission from God and all that? Let’s hope it’s easy, considering I’m not too agile enough to do all that running around that the Commander did to gather up the crew.”

He leaned a bit back in the bench seat; examining the inside of the shuttle. He wasn’t really used to being inside it. In something so… cramped and lacking better propulsion systems. Nor was he entirely comfortable with someone else piloting a vehicle he was in, rather than himself just taking it over and piloting. Probably a tad bit for the best, considering in the time he’s missed flying anything, he’d want to make for lost time via barrel rolls and navigating through asteroid fields. 

Though, he figured he wasn’t too mortified over the ordeal, as he kept a short glance on EDI. A tad subconsciously, he laid a hand over EDI’s own. He had missed his co-pilot in his time away from the Normandy. Possibly more than he actually missed the Normandy itself, though this thought was more superfluous in nature, as they were basically the same thing to many at this point. And both were the only things he could really focus on when indisposed, apart from the occasional consideration of the rest of the crew. Just so they didn’t feel too neglected in his mind. 

It didn’t matter too much. She was here, now, and soon he’d back on the Normandy in his favorite, leather chair — being notified how the airlock was ajar, and needing to reset the internal compensators before the ship can pull a 360.

… He didn’t specifically miss those parts of being back on the ship.

enhancedintel:

“I’m coming with you,” EDI told the bemused shuttle pilot, who, at first, did not want her to go. 

“But control of the Normandy —”

— which was hovering in LEO above London, relatively safe, considering the remnants of the Alliance fleet there to provide cover fire —

“—is being overseen by my onboard processes, so it is fine.”  Her lips pressed together in a thin line, one of the more human gestures she’s picked up since acquiring her mobile platform self.  ”Besides, it is important that Mr. Moreau sees a … familiar face.”

The pilot chuckles - he’s not Lieutenant Cortez; EDI isn’t sure what happened to him; probably somewhere in the environs of London - and the two of them pile into the shuttle, making a beeline for Joker’s location.

In the back of the shuttle, she gripped the rigger with one hand, swaying slightly as the air buffed around them during their descent.  As they got closer to the ground, she opened the hatch and began to look around the rubble, scanning for a familiar face.

She knew that she felt affection for him.  She knew that it was likely all part of her budding humanity (for lack of a better term; she would tend toward a more and more realistic facsimile of a person the longer her code was allowed to self-modify).  It fascinated her, but she hadn’t expected to feel thrilled and … anticipatory.

Still, if this was life, she would take it, as strange as it was turning out to be.  She smiled inwardly,  continuing to observe the busted-out scenery of the city as it went by.  Idly she ran an extranet search, taking a second or two to absorb information about London before the invasion and the city’s subsequent destruction.  The River Thames.  Buckingham Palace.  All ruined, or pretty close to it, when she observed them now, rushing past.  And she’d gone down into the thick of it all — into all that destruction, risking everything — simply on principle.

Again, a strange function of one’s budding humanity, she supposed.

A few more minutes went by, and the ground came closer and closer, until they settled down with a whoosh of thruster backfire.

EDI stepped out, her feet hitting the soil of Earth for the first time since their victory, and straightened herself up.

And there he was.

She was pretty stunning, when he took notice of her. Though, in a more literal term, considering the sun shone off her metal body right into his eyes. He covered his eyes with the flat of his hand for all of a split second before relaxing his arms down to allow them to help shift himself to a standing position.

It did feel almost forever ago since he actually saw someone from the crew. And it seemed even longer that he had even been allowed onto a ship. Pretty unnatural for the elusive Joker to be grounded — out of his natural habitat in space. Yet there came a sort of amenity just being able to see EDI again. 

He made his way to her; which was only a sort of minor task, since he had been (finally) taking his medications on a semi-regular basis for Chakwas and using strengthening exercises. He couldn’t help the slight limp that hung around his walk, but it had been reduced since he had to limp through the bowels of the Normandy to get away from the Collectors.

“EDI,” he could finally speak when close enough. And he was finally able to smile, something he found almost incapable since the Normandy’s crew got out of Cerberus’s base. Then he just hugged her. Just glad that she was still there. “It’s good seeing you.” He eases out of the embrace. “And a lot more reassuring to know the Alliance didn’t just turn you into cans to pack Tupari in.” He nods somewhat, stepping into the shuttle and holding his hand out for her. “Time to go ‘home’, then.”

enhancedintel:

pilotjeffmoreau:

enhancedintel:

There was no suppressing the small grin that fell over her face when she received the message.  And on the day that the hull breaches were fixed up and Normandy was declared spaceworthy once again.  This was likely what some religious-minded humans called providence.

EDI shifted in her chair, her processes mulling over the logistics of getting the crew back together.  She’d been monitoring communications channels; she knew they were beginning to come together as resources and circumstance allowed.  So long as Jeff was agreeable — it was quite probable that he would be — they may take the opportunity to at least do a round of visits.

She leaned over her communications terminal, sending a text message this time:

“I am well. It would be beneficial for us if we were to attempt to intercept the other crew members.  When you return to the ship, shall we discuss the particulars?
Also, I have put in a requisition order for cherry lollipops to further aid your recovery.”

Joker stares at the reply for a moment, evaluating whether she had actually ordered lollipops or if her humor processes were finally working at better capacity than they had previously been. Either way, he’s pretty reassured the Alliance wouldn’t go for such a requis— they actually would, wouldn’t they. They did have a tendency to put in trivial things while forgetting actual components of the ship; which usually Shepard would have to go around and find. They installed a poker table, yet not the thermal pipes to make sure the engines didn’t explode on someone during maintenance. Morale was clearly priority.

Anyways, he couldn’t really complain since they let him keep his leather chair. It was his only morale booster aside from his co-pilot, which he was currently separated from. 

“Good to know you’re well. Worried you might have gotten some dents or even some scratched paint. If you want to pick me up so I can finally get back in you”

Pauses. Decides this would seem weird out of context to an outside viewer, which he couldn’t shake the feeling was always around, and rewords it. Anyways.

“the ship, then we’ll start getting the band back together. Again. Again. … Again. We really should keep up with having everyone together more often. I’ll send you my coordinates for pick-up.”

The coordinates came through just as the engineers took their leave after touching up the paint on the outside of the hull.  EDI took a moment to ensure that the repairs were appropriately logged, and then, finally, now that there were no newcomers on board (just the skeleton crew who knew full well what she was), she left her seat to survey the work.  She kept half her processes fully committed to undocking the Normandy from the service bay, while her mobile platform — her self, for lack of a better word — walked purposefully to the elevator and down to the engineering deck.

She picked up traces of acetylene in the air, and she could see the relatively fresh welds and rivets, shiny streaks against the well-aged remainder of the hull, but other than that, there was little evidence anything had ever happened.  And there were no loose screws that she could detect.

Adams was at his console, and he gave her a cursory wave as he caught sight of her.

“Where to now?” he asked, entering a series of diagnostic commands.  EDI felt … glad that the small remnants of the crew still appeared committed to their jobs.

“We retrieve our pilot,” she replied, taking position at the console behind him and to  the left, “and then we will figure out where the others have gone.”

“You don’t waste time, do you?”

“If it would make you feel better, Engineer Adams, I could modify a subroutine devoted solely to what is colloquially known as slacking off.”  Beat.  ”That was —”  She turned to face him, the corner of her lips turned upward in what could be called a shit-eating grin.

He laughed.  ”I know, I know.” 

“My comedy is losing its spontaneity,” she mused, still smiling as she entered in a new message to Jeff:

“Ship is cleared and certified.  We are en route now and will send the shuttle your way.  It will be —”

She hesitated, and she wasn’t entirely sure why.

“— good to see you again.” 

“Great. Wish I could listen to some music while you leave me on hold. I’ll just wait until some strangers try getting me in their shuttle promising me lollipops, then.”

Joker took a seat on some pieces of rubble in the middle of the chaos that was London. Some people were gathered around various areas, trying to help move some of it out of the way or just even chewing the shit; mostly not even about what just happened. He did like to pretend they were praising his great abilities during the assault against the Reapers, however, despite no one really taking notice of him. He thought of where they could put the statue of himself, finding many areas of interest to not be big enough to put a decent one in.

He sat for a few moments thinking about this, then sighed, finally taking in the actuality of his surroundings, adding a new message.

“It’ll be good to see you, too.”

Then he waited for the shuttle to finally show up. This only lead to more exaggerated thoughts. For one, he wondered if they could somehow add some neon to the shuttle. And a fish tank, so the Commander didn’t have to worry about them somehow dying after one mission. He didn’t really care, considering he didn’t have to personally worry about piloting the shuttle. It would have probably amused him more to have to have the rest of the crew always picked up in a hot pink shuttle with a flaming unicorn on the front of it.

And it was this thought that would probably stick with him until the real shuttle showed up as a disappointment.

archangelofomega:

Patchin’ It Through

“How does James…? …Never mind, not important.

“Oh I’m sure you wish you could calibrate as good as I do, Joker. I’ll leave it at that because discussing your sex life isn’t something I really want to do.

“I think the worst part of the simplification of scanning was the fact that our scanners seemingly attracted Reapers to come towards us. Spirits, and thanks to Shepard being so helpful on the Citadel, the probability of us dying went up. Just when I thought when there was no possible way for it to go up, it went up more. Shepard some how knows how to make the impossible, possible.”

-G

“I think it was only natural the Reapers were attracted. They’re big ships now, with big ship needs. And the Normandy is one fine-looking piece of ship. Unfortunately for them, my piloting skills is pretty akin to just playing hard to get when it comes to them. We flew around in the hull of one very naughty ship. 

I figure throwing us into death-sentence situations is just like a hobby to the Commander. We could make some serious money if we made a show on our lives. What new thing will almost kill the Normandy’s crew this week? Could have just spent our time in bliss like everyone else, feeding fluffy rabbits and dismissing the claim of the Reapers. Don’t think we would have lasted as long as we did, but at least we could have gotten you a rabbit to take home. And, you know, calibrate.”

-Joker

archangelofomega:

“You know, if it were anybody else, I would say how it’s hard to accomplish anything while sitting all day, but for you… well, some how you make sitting on your ass exciting, even if you can break a bone with one bad cough. Or hard seat.

“Typically I don’t care about how other people handle their love lives, but since you’re dating EDI, I just… no, you know what, I won’t even get into that. That’s too dirty.

“The Alliance wouldn’t give you a leather seat when you originally asked for it, so getting a medal for you is probably out of their budget. Or maybe they’re scared that when you pick it up, you’ll break a finger. They could be worried about your well-being.”

-G

“No hard seats here, thankfully, though I heard the Commander’s bed is a different story from James. I don’t really have to worry about that, however. 

I’m sure you’d like to know all about EDI and I, wouldn’t you? Like how I update the firmware through her backdoor. Using the user interface to patch RAM errors with hard discs. Cooling down the systems after it’s all done. Yeah. No calibrations, though. I’m sure that’s what you were waiting for.

Besides, if they don’t want to buy a medal, I could probably find some extra stuff to melt down. We have all those spare metals from when we were scanning just going to waste. Luckily, the scanning itself was just the best part in its own right. That was the most fun thing we have ever done. I just wish it was as tedious as it was before. Simplifying it was horrible of the Alliance to do to our scanners. I might file a complaint.”

-Joker

enhancedintel:

There was no suppressing the small grin that fell over her face when she received the message.  And on the day that the hull breaches were fixed up and Normandy was declared spaceworthy once again.  This was likely what some religious-minded humans called providence.

EDI shifted in her chair, her processes mulling over the logistics of getting the crew back together.  She’d been monitoring communications channels; she knew they were beginning to come together as resources and circumstance allowed.  So long as Jeff was agreeable — it was quite probable that he would be — they may take the opportunity to at least do a round of visits.

She leaned over her communications terminal, sending a text message this time:

“I am well. It would be beneficial for us if we were to attempt to intercept the other crew members.  When you return to the ship, shall we discuss the particulars?
Also, I have put in a requisition order for cherry lollipops to further aid your recovery.”

Joker stares at the reply for a moment, evaluating whether she had actually ordered lollipops or if her humor processes were finally working at better capacity than they had previously been. Either way, he’s pretty reassured the Alliance wouldn’t go for such a requis— they actually would, wouldn’t they. They did have a tendency to put in trivial things while forgetting actual components of the ship; which usually Shepard would have to go around and find. They installed a poker table, yet not the thermal pipes to make sure the engines didn’t explode on someone during maintenance. Morale was clearly priority.

Anyways, he couldn’t really complain since they let him keep his leather chair. It was his only morale booster aside from his co-pilot, which he was currently separated from. 

“Good to know you’re well. Worried you might have gotten some dents or even some scratched paint. If you want to pick me up so I can finally get back in you”

Pauses. Decides this would seem weird out of context to an outside viewer, which he couldn’t shake the feeling was always around, and rewords it. Anyways.

“the ship, then we’ll start getting the band back together. Again. Again. … Again. We really should keep up with having everyone together more often. I’ll send you my coordinates for pick-up.”

“Obviously the only thing broken so far is my heart for not seeing you so long, Garrus. Never mind these fractured ribs. This, quite obviously, is the only real wound. Though I suppose aside from minor pain, I’m great now. I was tired of sitting around all day to run tests. Now I can go back to doing what I love. Y’know, sitting. But with leather cushioning. And of course I haven’t gotten in to trouble! You all should learn to trust me. I mean, sure, there was the time the Commander got blown up, and then when the Collectors stole everyone, but other than that my track record is pretty solid. Though the Alliance still won’t give me a medal for anything, so, maybe I have it about even?” -Joker

EDI. You doing okay? I’d have gotten back to you and the Normandy sooner, but you know how doctors are: always needing to do more tests and telling you to stop dumping your medications out the airlock. I still found it very more important to have learned compressed bottles in an airlock could basically serve as a lethal grenade than actually taking some medication. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. I haven’t managed to break anything yet, but I think I got the doc so annoyed he was going to start running reflex tests on me. Probably beginning with my mouth. But, finally got to be able to get out — albeit without even getting a lollipop — so I’ll be back to hearing how the airlock is ajar very shortly, I’m sure.